Grimms' Scary Tales
by RayeWilliams
Summary: We all love the stories of the brothers' Grimm. Little Red Riding Hood, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty...but the only Titan that knows them is Raven, and the others wanna hear them...uh oh.
1. Little Red Riding Hood

Me: -sigh- Okay, as much as I hate to admit it, the basic concept was thought of by...-ulp- Lark.  
Lark: YEAH it was.  
Me: Okay, the first one is Little Red Riding Hood. You'll see how the parody works after you read this one.  
Lark: It's a series of one-shots. If you don't like one, it doesn't matter, because there are a lot of fairy tales.  
Me: Plus, you won't get confused.  
Lark: Unless you're stupid.  
Me: And I don't own any fairy tales or the Teen Titans. Pairings are Star and Robin, and BB and Raven. I made it more obvious bewteen all of them...in these stories, Robin and Starfire are dating and Beast Boy and Raven are getting a little more affectionate towards one another.Here we go. 

(T)(T)(T)(T)(T)

Little Red Riding Hood

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The tower was mostly quiet, save for a few footsteps and the soft whoosh of a cloak. A girl weighed down with a large book, one that she cradled gently in her pale hands, entered the living room of Titans' Tower. A green cat dozed quietly on the sofa and the cloaked girl regarded it silently, sitting down next to it. She opened the book, turning the pages carefully, almost lovingly. Everything was at peace.

She curled up on the couch, her violet eyes scanning over the runes inscribed in her ancient spell-book. A yawning meow, then a thump, from behind her made the half-demon roll her eyes, annoyed. She carefully marked her place…and a good thing too. Before she knew it, a fanged mouth was next to her, screaming, "Hiya Raven!"

A small sigh passed over her lips as she looked at the changeling grinning so cockily next to her.

"What do you want?"

"Nuttin. Whatcha readin'?

"I'm not sure you'd understand it even if I told you the title."

"Try me!"

"'The Chronicles of Metrion's Roots: Herbal Remedies for Critical Wounds'," Raven read from the cover.

Beast Boy's tongue flopped out of his mouth, his ears drooping. They quickly perked up again as he laughed. "See?" he stated perkily, "I knew that, it's the…roots of metronomes and the wounded herbs'…remedies…thing."

Peals of laughter from the doorway caused the demon and the changeling to turn their heads. Cyborg and Robin were leaning on each other for support, tears leaking from Cyborg's human eye and from under Robin's mask.

Raven flushed and glared at Beast Boy, who looked dumbstruck.

"What'd I say?" he asked innocently.

A shriek issued from upstairs and a very happy Tamaranean girl followed. Starfire hugged a book to her chest. "Friends!" she squealed happily. "The book I have discovered upstairs on the bathroom shelf is quite enjoyable! Will you please read?"

Raven raised an eyebrow and looked toward the team, not surprised to find 4 pairs of eyes staring at her.

"What, like I'd leave a book in a restroom?" she said dully.

Robin smirked. "Good point. And I have my own bathroom. Cyborg?"

"Not mine, man."

Beast Boy looked away, whistling innocently and bobbing on his toes. The eyes turned to him.

"Beast Boy?" Four voices, varying from the disbelieving Cyborg, to the happy, curious Starfire, to the shocked Robin, to the irritated Raven, rang over him.

"Uh, yeah…what book is it?" he rushed out quickly.

Starfire turned it over in her hands and read "Grimm's Fairy Tales." She looked puzzled. "It is a collection of tales based on sad little winged people?"

Beast Boy turned a colour like an un-ripe strawberry and laughed lightly. "Well...about that..."

Raven saved him the humiliation by taking the book in her hands and looking through it. "Wow. The brothers Grimm. Beast Boy, I wouldn't have guessed you had any taste for stories other than comics." Beast Boy nodded firmly and took it back. "I just bought it," he said meekly. "I don't remember the stories well, so I bought this at a yard sale."

"Good condition for a spit-back," Cyborg laughed. Raven shook her head in disgust.

Starfire looked at Robin. "What are these stories, Robin?"

Robin rubbed the back of his head. "They're fantasies. They tell morals to children. Like...Little Red Riding Hood. Warns kids about why they shouldn't talk to strangers."

Starfire nodded vigorously. "Would you read me these stories? They sound like much fun to read together!"

Raven winced and sighed heavily, prodding Beast Boy in the back. He turned to her. "Yeah?" he said in an undertone.

"This isn't the version that has the big bad wolf from Riding Hood getting his stomach sliced open and filled with rocks, is it?"

Beast Boy blanched. "The what now? I don't remember the stories well, but THAT I'd remember." Raven held out her hands and Beast Boy dropped the book into her arms. She opened it and her violet eyes flashing as she scanned the pages expertly. Breathing a sigh of relief, she spoke. "No, these are more appropriate than Grimm's original works."

Starfire cocked her head in curiousity. "What was wrong with them?"

Cyborg chuckled. "They were too grim."

Beast Boy groaned. "Dude, even I know that joke was corny."

Raven shook her head. "Actually, Beast Boy, the word "grim" comes from "the brothers Grimm." She held out the book for him to take it back. "Their original works were too dark and morbid for children. Here, you can read them to Starfire." Beast Boy pushed it back.

"Naw, Rae. You read it to Starfire and me. You're cool when you're reading. Really good at it." Raven blushed slightly.

"Okay...Cyborg? Robin? Interested?" She opened the book to the first story and sat on the couch. Beast Boy took a seat to her left and Starfire leaned over the back of the sofa to read over the half-demon's shoulder.

Cyborg jumped over the back of the couch and landed next to Beast Boy, leaning back casually. The four Titans looked to Robin, who sighed. "What, like I'm going to go upstairs and track Slade when my friends are reading fairy tales?" He sat to Raven's right and put his arm on her shoulder. She shook him off and Beast Boy mimicked him instead. Robin glared at him in mock-annoyance when Raven didn't shove him aside.

"Little Red Riding Hood," Raven read, "was called so because of the cloak she wore every day. It was red and hooded, and she was never seen without it. Eventually people even for-"

"Was she an angry child?" Starfire interrupted. Raven raised an eyebrow. "No. Why?"

"Red cloak means anger, yes?"

Beast Boy and Cyborg chuckled while Robin looked at Starfire, confused. "What?"

"I'll explain later," Raven gushed. "No, she just liked red. Moving on.

"One day, Red's mother-"

"Dude, what's with the abbreviation?" Beast Boy asked. Raven moaned and leaned her head back.

"It just said that. The publishers probably saved money, time, and equipment but not having to type out "Little Red Riding Hood" every three sentences. So, one day Red's mother gave her a basket-"

"What was in it?" Starfire queried.

"Bread and cookies. So the mother told Re-"

"Dude, I want cookies!" Beast Boy went sparrow and flew over to the kitchen, where he started bussling around, making cookies. Raven looked slightly disappointed, and very annoyed. "So I'll just wait an hour until you get back, then?" she scowled.

"Nah, I'm listening."

"Ugh." Raven turned the page and started reading again. "So the mother said 'take these to your sick grandmother and don't stop along the way for any reason.' and Red nodded and went into the woods toward her grandmother's house."

Starfire clapped her hands to her mouth in horror. "Her grandmother lived in the forest! That is most depressing."

Raven rolled her eyes. "No, she lived in a house at the edge of a forest."

Starfire sat back. "Oh. I see. Continue."

"Red went into the forest and made a beeline for her grandmother's house," Raven rushed out. "When a wolf came out from a tree and approached her. Very kindly he asked her where she was taking the basket, and Red replied 'My grandmother is not well. These are for her.' The wolf grinned and told her that there were many pretty flowers by the creek, and she should take some to her grandmother. Then, with a slight chuckle, he asked Red politely where her grandmother lived."

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!" Starfire screamed. Cyborg and Robin jumped slightly, and the sound of pots and pans clattering to the ground could be heard in the kitchen. Not in the least bit unnerved, Raven turned her head slowly to face Starfire. "Did you have to do that right next to my ear?"

"Forgive me, Raven, but...the girl of riding hoods did not tell the wolf where her sick old grandmother lived...did she?"

"She did. And she went to pick flowers just as the wolf suggested." Raven turned back to the book. "Meanwhile, the wolf ran to the grandmother's house, thinking he'd eat the grandmother, then Red." At this, Raven clapped her hands to her ears, and in good timing, too; a second later, Starfire shrieked again, and Cyborg fell off the couch.

Raven continued blandly, her nose becoming pink-tinged as she became more and more irritated. "The wolf knocked on the door and the grandmother called 'Who is it'  
The wolf took on the voice of Red and replied 'It's me, dear grandmother.'" Raven turned a page quickly, feeling the need to rush through the next few sentences. "'Come in, dear child' the grandmother called, and the wolf came in and approached the grandmother, who gasped, 'You are not my grandchild!'"

"No (insert "s" word here), grandma..." Robin muttered. Raven glared at him viciously and continued on. "'No,' replied the wolf, 'But you will by my supper!'"

Ignoring the scream from Starfire and the slamming from the kitchen, Raven read, "The wolf chased the grandmother around the house and locked her in a closet, then put on a pair of spectacles and a nightgown. He laid down in bed and a few moments later, Red came in. She approached the bed and saw who she thought was her grandmother. 'Oh grandmother,' she gasped. 'What big ears you have.' The wolf snuggled into the bed and said 'All the better to hear you with my dear. But please, come closer so I can hear you better.' Red came closer. 'Oh grandmother,' she gasped. 'What big eyes you have.' The wolf nodded. 'All the better to see you with my dear. But please, come closer so I can see you better.' Red came a little closer and cried out, 'Oh grandmother! What big teeth you have!'"

"ALL THE BETTER TO EAT YOU WITH MY DEAR!" came a roar from behind them. A green wolf sailed through the air, a tray of cookies on his back. He landed with a crash on the coffee table and cookies went flying.

Starfire was screaming hysterically and Robin and Cyborg were cracking up. Beast Boy morphed back to his normal self and laughed, embarrassed, his cheeks slightly pink. A vein throbbed in Raven's forehead and she slammed the book shut. She got up and screamed, "STOP!" The laughter and screams faded instantly.

Raven glared at them. "How do you expect me to read through all of these interuptions?" she scowled. Beast Boy sighed and picked himself up. "I thought it'd be funny," he said apologetically. Cyborg and Robin snickered.

"It was," they both laughed.

Raven sighed and dropped the book onto the couch where she had been sitting. Starfire gasped. "Oh no, please Raven, what happened next?"

With a glare, Raven said flatly, "Red screamed and a woodsman came and saved her and her grandmother. Then he cut open the wolf's belly, filled it with rocks, sewed it back up, and threw the wolf into a river, where he sank to the bottom and drowned. The end."

Shadows engulfed her and she vanished into the ground. The Titans all went pale. "So..." Beast Boy said meekly. "What now?"

(T)(T)(T)(T)(T)

It'd probably be best if I had you nice reviewers vote for the next one. Vote for your favorite Grimm's Fairy Tale, and I'll wait until I have ten reviews before I write my next one. I hope you enjoyed that. The STORY, not the bold-printed command...morons...

- Raven the Sorrowbyrd


	2. Rumpelstiltskin

Well, that was fun. Here is the final tally:

Sleeping Beauty - 2  
Cinderella - 4  
The Frog Prince - 3  
Snow White - 2  
Hansel and Gretal - 1  
Rumpelstiltskin - 1  
The Goose Girl - 1

Cinderella won...and a good thing too, I've never read "The Frog Prince" and I let my friend borrow the book, rofl.

HOWEVER. And please don't kill me. I'm pretty tired of that story (my little cousin never shuts up about it)...and feel like weird little goblin-y dudes.

Haha, Rumpelstiltskin.

This one is actually kind of fluffy and a little tragic on Raven's part, and I mean angsty, not funny.

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Rumpelstiltskin

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Beast Boy knocked on the door again, Starfire close behind him and the other two boys leaning in.

"Raven!"

"Go away!"

"Raven, please read another one!"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because you guys are idiots!"

"Please?"

"NO!"

"I'll give you a kiss..."

There was a pause. Then...

"Still no."

Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire gave up then and tromped downstairs. Beast Boy trudged after them.

When they got downstairs, the Titan boys sat on the couch and Starfire sat cross-legged on the floor.

"I'm bored," mumbled Cyborg. Beast Boy looked downcast, like he'd been rejected. Robin resisted the urge to laugh at him. Starfire looked like her puppy had run away.

"I am still unused to the strange phrases on this world, but I believe I am...bummed out?" Starfire murmured. The boys merely nodded.

"What are we gonna do?" Beast Boy sighed.

"I vote for Rumpelstiltskin," said a flat voice from behind them. They all turned so fast Raven thought they're get whiplash, but she took her place between Robin and Beast Boy anyway and picked up the book, flicking through the pages.

Beast Boy grabbed her instantly, hugging her tightly, and Robin laughed as Starfire, pouting, came over to sit on his lap (picture it: she's a foot taller than he is).

"A long time ago," Raven began to read, "there was a very lonely king who needed a queen. So he-"

"What king doesn't already have a queen?" Cyborg asked, bemused.

"This one. So he gathered up all the young ladies in the village to see which one would be most fitting."

"PIMP!" screamed Robin and Cyborg at the same time, and the boys all doubled over with laughter. Raven and Starfire ignored them (Starfire due to lack of understanding).

"The miller brought his daughter, and when the king asked why she should be his bride, her father said "She can spin straw into gold!" The girl was-"

"Is that possible?" Starfire asked, wide-eyed.

Raven groaned. "No, but he wanted his daughter to live a rich and happy royal life, so he lied."

"How beastly!" Starfire exclaimed.

"Yes...but fatherly...he must have really loved his daughter." Raven's voice shook with anger and remorse, and Beast Boy went behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, reading from behind her back and hugging her.

"The king was amazed, and said "Show me!" The guards and king took the girl to a room filled with more straw than she'd ever seen in her life, and that was all that was there. Straw and only straw."

"Only this and nothing more." Cyborg said.

"Quoth the Raven "Nevermore,"" Robin recited. They both laughed and even Raven chuckled at this one.

"Straw, and a spinning wheel. The king put her in the room and told her "If you do not spin this straw all into gold by morning, you will be ha...you will go to the dungeon." Raven sighed internally and felt Beast Boy chuckle softly behind her. Starfire's eyes and mouth were wide-open enough as it was.

"As the king left, the girl began to cry, and a little voice said "Why do you cry, little girl?" The girl looked all-"

"Oooooh, what was it?" Starfire, of course...

"Erm, wait and see? A goblin appeared next to the gi-"

"Goblins are evil and cruel little gremnorks!"

"Yeah," Raven said dryly. "I'll bet. The girl said "I cry because if I do not spin this straw into gold by morning, I will be locked in the dungeon, but I cannot do it." And the goblin grinned."

"Little b," Robin muttered. Raven felt a jerk behind her as Beast Boy elbowed Robin in the ribs.

""I will do it for you, but I expect something in return...give me your necklace." The girl sadly gave her necklace to him, and he jumped on the wheel and began to turn the straw into gold. Entranced, the girl fell asleep."

"Evil little creatures alone do the impossible," Starfire grumbled. Robin hugged her around the waist. "Are the Teen Titans evil little creatures?"

"Well, no..."

"Just BB," Cyborg remarked, and Starfire and Robin laughed.

"When the girl woke up, the king was in the room. "Good job!" he said. But instead of marrying her then and there, he took her to a bigger room filled with even more gold."

"AIIIIIE!"

"Right. Aiie. So. He repeated his command and threat and left the girl there, and before long the goblin came back. This time, he requested her ring. "This ring," the girl said sadly, "was given to me by my great-grandmother. It was her dying wish that I'd have it." The goblin shook his he-"

"That is so swee-"

"Yes, Starfire, it is. Now, MY family is broken and uncaring, so if you please, stop bringing up how loving HER family was!"

There was utter silence in the room, and Beast Boy could feel Raven quivering with rage. He tightened his grip on her and she briskly continued. "The goblin took her ring and began to spin the straw into gold, and by morning, the king had returned. "I have one more room for you, and if you spin that straw into gold, I will marry you," he said, taking her into a room bigger than her house and both of the other rooms combined. It was, of course, completely filled with straw."

Cyborg chuckled. "Where is this king getting all of this straw?"

"Ex-Girlfriend," Raven said shortly. "Shut up." Everyone laughed.

"The goblin appeared and the girl began to cry instantly. "I have nothing left to give you," she sobbed. "You have already taken my ring and my necklace. Now I shall be han...er, thrown in the dungeon!" The goblin was not without a heart. "Listen," he said. "I will spin this straw into gold, if you give me your first-born child." The girl agre-"

"That poor child..." Starfire murmured.

"Yes," Raven said in a sickly sweet voice. "Abandoned by its mother and left in the hands of a cruel monster."

"Rave," Beast Boy breathed into her ear soothingly. She turned around, her eyes docile, and kissed him on the cheek affectionately. Cyborg and Robin bit their tongues.

"The goblin spun that straw into gold, and the next day, but girl became the queen. Sonn, she had a baby boy, and one day, the goblin came back for him. She begged him not to take her baby, and being kind, he said that if she guessed his name in three days, she could keep the boy. Then he vanished. The queen confessed to the king and the village, but by then, everyone loved her and only wished to help."

"Thank God," Robin laughed.

"So the first and second day went by, and everyone in the village gave the goblin all the names they could think of, but none were correct. During the second night, a villager came to speak with the king and queen. "I saw something strange tonight," he said. "While I was walking a saw a strange little man, he was dancing around a fire and singing a song. It went like this...

"'Tomorrow I'll brew, tomorrow I'll bake,  
For I shall have the queen's name-sake!  
How hard it is to play my game,  
When Rumpelstiltskin is my name!'"

The king and queen were so happy they gave the villager a cart-load of gold."

"I'd hate to be the horse luggin' that," Beast Boy commented. Raven smirked.

"When the goblin came to call the next day, the queen asked "Is your name Rumpelstiltskin?""

"OWNED!" Cyborg yelped and he and Robin exchanged high-fives.

"The goblin hopped up and down in rage. "The devil told you! The devil told you!" And the he grabbed each of his ears and ripped himself in half."

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"

Naturally, everyone fell out of their seats.

(T)(T)(T)(T)(T)

Haha. I'll do Cinderella next time, but keep voting.

- Sorrowbyrd 


End file.
